The Only Way To Master Your Life

In the past, whilst reflecting on the process of decision making, I noticed the main difficulty was getting clarity and a question arose;

Is there such a thing as a right or wrong decision?

This continued to plague me until I heard the following statement being conveyed at a talk I was attending;

'When the voices inside become louder than the voices outside, you've mastered your life'. This resonated with me and made so much sense but felt so incredibly difficult to execute.

Fast forward a few months. 

My 18 year old daughter announces she has made a decision to travel solo around Europe for 7 weeks. 

At her age, most parents would have decided that this was a definite 'No'. In fact, a number of friends spent endless hours convincing me that this was an incredibly irresponsible step to take as a parent. There were endless meetings with parents who I bumped into who wasted no time in letting me know exactly how they felt about my daughters plans.

There was however one key problem with this.

I had no problem with the decision she had made. I trusted her and know how responsible and sensible she is. I had observed closely the way she had been planning this trip meticulously by researching every area she was travelling to and the hostels she would be staying at. She had also read every blog that solo travellers had written as they travelled around Europe. 

In fact, I did not feel a single ounce of anxiety in allowing her to do this.

So why did I feel so guilty? the voices outside were getting louder and louder and were drowning out my own internal voice which was trying to get a platform.

I wanted to scream out 'its fine, I trust her'.

The issue is that we spend too much time looking outside of ourselves to give us the information that only we can discipher. Too much time listening to others view and assessments of our situation. To shut out those voices and turn up the volume of our own voice seems inconceivable. In essence this is the only voice that matters.

Who else is going to really know you better than your own self.

In trusting my daughter to follow the path she had chosen was also incredibly empowering for her. Isn't this a tool we need to hand over to our children, in the same way we hand over our prized jewellery when we die?

I did not feel an ounce of anxiety the entire way through those 7 weeks. In fact, I loved receiving pictures of the places she had visited and her excited voice briefing me about the day spent exploring the countries. She spent 7 weeks travelling, experiencing new cultures and connecting with people, making new friendships in the way she could never have done had she travelled together with a friend. She was safe and happy and more importantly the trip had given her a sense of confidence she had never felt before.

I don't mean to sound all knowing, but I knew this all along. 

My gut instinct had reassured me this was a good decision.

Had I listened to the external voices telling me what I should be feeling and what being a 'responsible' parent looks like, my daughter would have been deprived of this experience.

A number of months later, and being inspired by my daughters courage in travelling alone, I decided to book a trip to Marrakesh for a few days. Those same external and disapproving voices were raised a notch, friends, family and even the travel agent (who was trying to dissuade me by handing brochures on Italy or Croatia instead) began the disapproving comments.

"Women don't go alone to Morocco", were the comments echoed by everyone.

But here's the thing, there was something about Marrakesh that was pulling me there. I couldn't even articulate what it was, I had no interest in going anywhere else. I considered asking friends to join me, to relieve everyone else’s anxiety but felt relief when they refused my offer. When I thought about it, I realised that my plan had been to go alone, to heal from what had been a pretty difficult few years and this felt like something I needed to do myself.

So yet again I began to silence the anxious voices outside and turned the volume up inside. I continued to plan my journey and just like my daughter had done, made sure that I researched the country well.

The trip to Morrocco proved to be an incredible one.

I was a woman travelling alone, and if I needed to travel anywhere that I deemed not to be safe then I just requested a guide. This was an amazing way not only to see the country but also to talk to the locals who are so immersed in their culture.

I was pampered beyond belief by the hotel staff which were incredibly hospitable and I connected with people in a way I could never have if I had gone with another person. It was one of the most beautiful and healing trips I had ever made to a country. The way they embraced me in the way that I needed them to.

To think that I had been close to cancelling due to comments from others, people who cannot claim to know me better than I know myself and what I need.

When working with my clients, I encourage them to look within. 

I don’t have the answer to their problems, but they have. We silence the external voice by listening to what our body is communicating to us – our gut instinct.

If we really diluted the content of our life, conversations and simplify, really dared to go within, we would really know the answer we are looking for. At times, meditation, yoga and mindfulness can all help to listen to your body and really quieten your thinking.

The key is to begin to turn the volume up inside just a notch. This is a way you could really discover more about yourself and what you want.